New Market Terminology

So some new definitions have come out as of today for some of your favorite market terms. Enjoy:

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.


CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake
himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,
The wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
Market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my financial advisor has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
Equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the
toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per
share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo
@$240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Former investor who's now locked up in a
nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer used.


P.S. Jerry Yang should be on trial.

Take your vertigo medicine!

Nothing new to report today but the fact that the end of the US car maker is near. Nearer than you even already though. GM below $6 puts their market cap below 1929 levels. Ford is at $2 and some change. I actually picked up some Ford today and bought some put options on GM. So anyway, I was thinking, it would be fun to have an application that showed you not only how much money you were losing but what that money could have bought you. So you enter all your stocks, how much you bought them for, and how many and it would have an output like this:

12:09:02 iPhone
12:09:03 Dinner for 4 at Roys
12:09:04 Toyota Yaris
12:09:05 Yamaha R1
12:09:06 New Drum Set
12:09:07 New Laptop
12:09:08 Used C-Class
12:09:09 New C-Class
12:09:10 Trip for two to Hawaii
12:09:11 College education for 3 kids
12:09:12 One pack of beyond 7 condoms
12:09:13 Meal at Taco Bell
12:09:14 New set of Perellis
12:09:15 Down payment on first home
12:09:16 Total cost of a wedding at the St. Regis resort
12:09:17 Breast implants
12:09:18 Four kilos of cocaine
12:09:19 Used BMW M6

You get the idea. The dow broke 9000 today and the next support although said to be at 8500 might actually be closer to 7000. I think all we can hope for at this point is that there actually is a support.

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How to fix your portfolio and all your other problems

So this is how you tie a noose:



There should be a loop left from step 2 towards the bottom that you can then pull on. Have a friend you trust help you if necessary.
Seriously though people. WTF!! The markets started out up, then it fluctuated quite a bit and then it tanked following my theory that when ever the Fed Chairman is on TV the market falls triple digits. Lots of volatility. Lots of opps to make lots of money but also lose it. Hang in there and try to resist selling on the way down if you can stomach the losses. Oh and the biggest rule in all this, DO NOT LISTEN TO ME!


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Another day another 800 points

I am sure you all were holding on to your stomachs as we went on that 800 point drop this morning. But I did notice something today. The market had a below average trading volume for the first part of the day. Not much was being traded. In fact at around noon market time there was only 500 Million shares traded on the NYSE I think. Anyway, things were looking like no body was doing much and most people if anything were just selling what they could to get out of their positions. Well, something strange happened immediately before the market closed. There was a large spike in volume across the board. And now when you check the volume on most stocks they show double the average daily trade volume. Additionally I see that most stocks recovered some of their losses and some are up aftermarket. It looks to me like tomorrow might just be an up day. It's obviously too soon to tell but it looks like some investors decided that the market was just too oversold and decided to jump in at the end of the day. Personally I don't care to speculate with this one. I am gonna wait until there are signs of a recovery and buy on the way up. Trying to guess the bottom of the market is a fool's game. I do think that there are some incredible deals in tech and the overall markets that look like a steal at these prices. Good luck tomorrow, I think if Pepto Bismol was a traded commodity it would have gone through the roof today.

Latest issue of The Economist

Listen to this

My good friend Kevin sent me this link today and I have to say, it's good. I am a huge fan of the radio show "This American Life" on NPR and this one is exceptionally good. It summarizes the current problem with the "Credit Crunch", it's origins and it's extent. I highly recommend you listen to it.
http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=355
Scroll down and to the left of the story itself click on "Full Episode".


Enjoy

NASDAQ glitch creates chaos after hours

... and no real news on this yet. GOOG shares showed as low as $25 for a few seconds during which some orders actually triggered due to a NASDAQ glitch. RIDICULOUS!! Quote: NASDAQ MarketWatch is investigating potentially erroneous transactions involving the security Google Inc Cl - A "GOOG" executed after 15:57:00 today. MarketWatch will advise with details as soon as available. Participants should review their trading activity for potentially erroneous trades and request adjudication through the Clearly Erroneous process within the applicable timeframe for filing pursuant to the rule. Save Time on Clearly Erroneous Filings! NASDAQ's Reg Recon (http://www.nasdaqtrader.com/Trader.aspx?id=RegRecon) allows you to quickly and easily view and file trades that qualify as potentially erroneous. No more chasing trades and manually completing the filing forms. Reg Recon pre-populates the form for trades sent to NASDAQ MarketWatch for review. Let the lawsuites begin

Time to get back into Tech?

Google traded below $400 for the first time in years yesterday and Apple lost $20 BILLION!!!! in market share in one day falling some 18%. Why you ask? Well, no good reason. Everything took a huge beating. Today we're getting a bounce back from those lows. So is it time to get back into Tech at these prices? It just might be. Remember after 9/11 ? If you don't, help yourself to a nice heap of charts from finance.google.com and check what happened at and after 9/11. I remember most of you calling me months later and the discussion went something like: "Dammit man, anything we would have bought would have doubled by now, ...". Well as Warren Buffet said best:

"We simply attempt to be fearful when others are greedy and to be greedy only when others are fearful."

Well others are fearful today. Everyone has run for the exits leaving great companies to be picked up at bargain prices. I'm not saying start buying today, but what I am saying, is when you see a real sign of recovery, have your money ready to jump back in. Which reminds me of another great Buffet quote:

"Most people get interested in stocks when everyone else is. The time to get interested is when no one else is. You can't buy what is popular and do well."

Epic Fail!

I wish you all had had the chance to watch C-SPAN or CNBC or CNN earlier today. It was about the scariest thing I have ever seen. A live vote count on the most important vote the congress has faced in my lifetime and perhaps in it's own. The vote counts ticked up and on the yeas and nays as the world watched on TV. Things started out looking good for the Yeas but the Nays caught up quickly. The bill was rejected 228-205 to everyone's surprise. The Dow immediately fell over 600 points and the bottom gave out. Everything pretty much went to hell in a hand basket within minutes. NASDAQ took a huge hit with stocks taking more than 10% losses. Later in the day (Right now) Roy Blunt and John The Douchbag Boehner blamed the entire failure of the bill of house speaker Nancy Pelosi for her bi-partisan language. What freaking losers. Unreal. The republicans voted against this in much greater numbers and then they blamed the rejection of the bill all on Democrats. And then that two faced change monger Obama used the whole thing as a press op to make another speech. I think he'd forgotten that he's not the president yet. Anyway folks, looks like it's back to the drawing board. I just hope it's not too late yet.

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Is your bank safe?

So amid all the chaos the past few weeks I'm sure some of you are wondering if you should be worried about your bank. Lucky for you, there is now and online application that allows you to find out what your bank's rating is and whether or not you should be worried about your money. Just point your browser to http://www.bankrate.com/cnbc/safesound/ss_home.asp and search for your bank. 3-Stars is not that bad so don't panic when you see that, but anything below a 3 is probably cause for concern and requires more research. Good luck.